Why It’s Unhealthy To Put Someone On A Pedestal

Having a deep connection with someone is so magical and joyful that it can make you blind to reality. What you experience as a result of certain emotional connections can cause you to have a distorted view of certain people, on top of your own shortcomings and desires. However, putting someone on a pedestal can be dangerous and harmful on many levels.

Identifying, valuing and highlighting the positive qualities of the people you love is a good thing. However, if you idealize them and ignore their mistakes, it will be impossible for you to see them for who they really are. When you put someone on a pedestal, your own personal expression can suffer. Let’s see why.

What does it mean to put someone on a pedestal?

You may not realize it when you idealize someone. The way you feel when you have great respect for someone is on the surface nice and positive. You admire the qualities they have, like their company and feel lucky that you have found each other. The problem arises when you forget that this person is another imperfect human being.

You can feed the ideal image so much that you completely lose the capacity for objective analysis. Identifying the negative aspects of your partner does not mean that you do not love them. On the contrary, accepting someone fully, with all the positive and negative qualities, enhances any relationship. Putting them on a pedestal does not help at all.

Putting someone on a pedestal: Idealization in relationships

Idealization is common in romantic relationships. The biochemical reactions that occur when you fall in love with someone are often responsible for this phenomenon. However, if everything follows its natural path over time, you will get to know your partner better. You want to settle down in a more honest phase of the relationship. In this more mature stage, you see each other for who you really are.

However, if you have low self-esteem, a fear of being abandoned, or if you are young and new to relationships, you may be stuck in the mentality and emotions of the first phase. Putting someone on a pedestal does not just mean exaggerating the good qualities they may have. It also involves assigning qualities that they do not even have, and being blind to weaknesses. Instead of seeing a flawed person, consider your partner perfect, infallible, and superior (to you and everyone else).

One of the biggest problems with this is that it can promote submission in the relationship. If your partner is “perfect”, everything they say and do is right. Idealizing your partner can also make you focus too much on them and neglect other important areas of your life.

The idealized person also suffers

Paradoxically, the person you put on a pedestal suffers because they carry your unrealistic expectations on their shoulders. They feel pressured and fear the consequences of not fulfilling them. Your partner may also feel that you do not really know who they are, or that they have no drive to grow and develop.

This dynamic is very common in romantic relationships, but it also occurs with colleagues, relatives and friends.

How to get your partner down from the pedestal

If you have noticed this trend in your life and you want to stop putting people on a pedestal, start by taking the veil from your eyes. Try to analyze the situations, conversations and actions of each person in an objective way.

Ask yourself what you really think. Do not be afraid of the things you do not like about your partner. If you really love someone you have to let them make mistakes. See them as an ordinary human being, with flaws and all.

At the same time, take steps to strengthen yourself. Often the reason you feel admiration and fascination for what you see in other people is something you also want. Work with yourself to be the best you can be!