What Happens In The Heart Of An Unloved Child?

No parent will admit that they do not love their children. But it happens more often than it should. Only by looking at an unloved child can we immediately detect the scars. The difference between a child who is loved and accepted and one who is not is terrible.

There are many reasons why a parent does not give love to their child. One of the biggest reasons is if the decision to have children was not a conscious or well-founded desire. There was no room in the heart of that child, and it was impossible to create space.

When a child is a product of lack of love, they develop behaviors and expressions that manifest their pain and anxiety.

The child does not understand what is happening to them, especially if they are very young. An unloved child sees the world as a threatening place, as if they are all alone. They would do anything to make it change.

The situation becomes more complicated when the parents refuse to admit that it is true. In these cases , they make a whole series of rationalizations to justify their abuse or lack of devotion.

Basically, they say that every aggression, or indifference, is in the best interests of the child. Then the child ends up being confused and thinks that they are the ones doing something wrong.

Guilt and the unloved child

Let’s say a mother tells her children that they are annoying her. Or that she “can not handle them”.

Obviously, many mothers who say this have only one bad day. Maybe they had to deal with extreme stress before the incident with the child.

But other times a parent makes demands on the child that they are unable to fulfill. Either because there are too many expectations, they are poorly explained, or require more skills than the child has at the developmental stage they are in.

It may be that they are always quiet, give attention for long periods, or cover the table with the abilities of an adult.

In these cases, it is the parents themselves, with their lack of vision, who create their own frustration. And, even worse, they are the ones who make the child feel frustrated and incompetent.

An unloved child sees almost everything they do as annoying to their parents,  and that nothing is enough to make the parents accept them.

Since they have no way of evaluating their feelings objectively, they will develop strong feelings of guilt because of all this. They will create a negative self-image and develop learned defenselessness.

They have a feeling that no matter what they do, the outcome is always the same, and because of that it is uncontrollable.

Things that can give us hints about an unloved child

When a child is unloved, their heart is broken. Because they are unable to give shape or cause to their suffering, they manifest it indirectly. They develop behaviors or ideas whose function is to release the anxiety and pain that lives in them.

Some of the actions that show a lack of love in a child are:

• They develop fears and phobias. For the dark, certain objects or animals, certain situations. The child cannot control them.
• They become very impulsive. They can not hold back rage, tears or laughter, all emotions. Their emotional expression will always have an exaggerated tone.

• They are unstable. They want one thing today and another thing tomorrow. The child can also change his behavior from one moment to the next. It is normal for children, but this quality is more pronounced in an unloved child.
• They develop an anxious behavior.  These can be things like not being able to sit still, ask questions all the time, or some other form of repetitive behavior.
• It is difficult for them to concentrate or pay attention. They tend to have problems at school.
• They become invisible, or try to be. While the child may be there, it is as if they are not. They will try to hide, sneak away, “not exist”.
• An unloved child does not have many social skills. They feel very uncomfortable or behave very badly when they are with other children or adults.

An unloved child becomes very suspicious. They show many signs of confusion and discomfort. Sometimes they are very stubborn, and others, extremely lifeless for their age. In general, we see them as sad, submissive and desperate for support.

People need touch, hugs and warm words throughout life. Especially in our early years. These signs of love are the emotional “food” we need to grow.

They are a basic need, just like eating or sleeping. No parent is perfect, but when they have a child, they have to work hard to make the child feel loved and welcomed in the family.