The Importance Of Loving Yourself When Choosing A Romantic Partner

We have all heard at one time or another that we cannot love anyone else unless we know the  importance of loving ourselves. But loving yourself is not easy. To achieve this, we must work to get to know ourselves well.  This requires that we understand where we come from, what our history is, that we learn from it and accept it. This is very difficult. It is important to remember that our knowledge of ourselves and our self-esteem is very important. Also when choosing a romantic partner.

Regardless of whether we are aware of the benefits of this and how important it is  , we will not understand the importance of loving ourselves if we do not work on ourselves.  Nor can we achieve this unless we are exposed to examples and role models. They allow us to see new and better ways to achieve emotional connection. Neurologist, psychiatrist and author Boris Cyrulnik says that we must try to observe different people and types of emotions throughout life to achieve this.

In this way  , the different forms of love we surround ourselves with help us to see that love, indifference and hatred are not connected with a particular form of behavior.  If we know this, we can open our minds and enrich our personality.

Types of couples

From a young age we learn to connect with others.  We connect with our parents and the rest of the family. They are our first examples of emotional attachments. We observe and learn how they treat us and how we can relate to each other.

Little by little  we begin to expand our social circles.  As we grow up, we get to know more people. Then we end up in a relationship, our first romantic connection.

Boris Cyrulnik confirms that our childhood determines the type of emotional connection we establish with our romantic partners.  According to him, there are several different types of couples. We can categorize these into three groups: couples where both parties support each other, couples where one party harms the other and couples where both couples harm each other.

The supportive couple

The couple consisting of two people who support each other last longer and lay the groundwork for a better quality of life, regardless of whether they are together or alone.  In addition, this exchange of support contributes to the improvement of health in both parties. It also leads to the improvement of their emotional balance and their humor. This is also the only type of couple that deserves to confirm themselves.

The other types

The other types of pairs, where damage is involved from one side or the other (or both), must be changed.  This can be done through changes in negative attitudes or through the search for new meaning that can establish the basis for a healthier relationship. If this is not possible, it is worth asking yourself if the relationship is worth it at all or if one should look up.

To get out of a relationship, we sometimes have to feel safe. So we look to other people who can give us support.  This can lead to the search for a new partner before the time really comes for it. If this happens, one can not learn anything meaningful from the experience. This can lead to the same mistakes being repeated in the new relationship.

We are both of our better halves

The choice of partner is something that happens unconsciously, based on everything we have learned in our personal stories. It also suits our personal situation.  If we do not try to improve ourselves or get to know ourselves better, we will not be able to find a partner who can help us live in a relationship full of mutual support.

A romantic partner may not meet all of our needs.  Sticking to that idea and hoping to meet someone who does is just a fantasy and will only lead to frustration. Regardless, we as a species are dependent on relationships with other people. We must also have different types of relationships that can enrich our lives.

One of the most dangerous beliefs associated with this is that we are not whole people until we have a partner. This concept  has given many misconceptions about what love is. We consider love as a feeling that can handle everything.  We no longer think realistically and do not see the limitations of every form of healthy love. We may then end up choosing a partner and establishing a relationship based on addiction and fear.

To distinguish between suffering and love

Our perceptions and our patterns of behavior are not only determined by what we observe in our immediate circumstances. We  are also exposed to a large number of stereotypes.  Rigid models that we believe the world adapts to.

The media has a great influence on how we behave via the stereotypes they reinforce. TV, film, music and literature give us lots of information. It is up to us to notice if the information is complete, fair and comprehensive. In the myth of the dream prince and in most movies and books about people, we find the same concept. Love and suffering go hand in hand.

Apparently, the more a couple quarrels, the happier they are in each other. The more they go against each other, the more they love each other. Because of this, we often hear growing up that “if you argue, it means that you are really in love”. Or “he who loves you will always make you cry”. We then dream of finding impossible or secret love. The one that makes us passionate, not necessarily warm. This can lead us to choose a partner based on romantic fantasies instead of realities and what is needed.

These ideas also make us relate to a fixed role within the romantic relationship. And in all conditions in general. This is a learned role that can suppress our true identities, our true thoughts, feelings and desires.  To get us away from preconceived notions, you must realize the importance of loving yourself. And that reconstructing the role we seem programmed to take is not easy. But it is possible.

To be satisfied with oneself – to love oneself

The wrong popular ideas about relationships  can lead us to make bad choices when it comes to choosing a partner and cause us to suffer from emotional dependence.  We forget that we have the right to be people with our own identities and independence.

To  strengthen our “emotional immune system” must become better acquainted with them  itself. Learn to love yourself in order to wisely choose a partner who will increase our happiness.  Before we try to find happiness with a partner, it is best to have found it in ourselves first.

To mature choose a romantic partner

A couple must respect each other. They are free to choose whether they want to be together.  We should never be in a relationship because we feel we have to fill a gap in life. We should build a relationship because we prefer to be with our partner. Although we can also be alone alone.

The choice of romantic partner is taken to heart. But if we remember our own needs and desires, we will make it possible to build a relationship based on mutual support.  Remember that achieving this dynamic depends on both parties in the relationship.