Overcoming The Fear Of Being Abandoned

Overcoming the fear of being abandoned and gaining self-sufficiency is not an easy task. But it is possible as long as you recognize how valuable you are. You need to convince yourself that you are brilliant, important and strong, and that you do not have to depend on anyone. The moment you can give yourself the love you deserve, everything changes.

To be abandoned at a young age

Some people have experienced being abandoned at a very young age. This is an extremely difficult experience. But we are not just talking about growing up without parents. Sometimes the most obvious pain is caused by being left emotionally. Growing up with parents who are there physically, but who are emotionally absent, is also traumatic. These are the kind of parents who never provide emotional support or provide a solid foundation based on secure attachment.

Experiencing being abandoned at a young age leaves its mark. This feeling of chronic and continuous loss leads to shame, helplessness and anxiety. This surrender makes you feel that you were never loved, that loneliness is your only refuge, and that no one can be trusted.

Neglect and neglect distort your reality and thoughts. It is important to understand that being afraid that those you love will leave you is understandable (especially if you have suffered in the past). What is pathological is constantly being anxious and having obsessive thoughts about being abandoned. The positive part is that it is possible to overcome the fear of being abandoned.

The fear of being abandoned is a prison

The fear of being left behind is a closed and suffocating space that destroys relationships. That said, you should not torture yourself for what you are going through. Instead, learning to understand the root of your fears can help you cope better. The first thing you should be aware of is that the fear of being abandoned is very primal and human.

What does that mean? First and foremost, there is basically nothing more important for development and survival than having supportive caregivers from an early age. Whether it’s your parents or someone else, you need caregivers who are warm and loving and make you feel safe. If you do not have it from an early age, your brain feels a terrible emptiness. It makes you more vulnerable to developing certain mood disorders.

The Journal of Youth and Adolescence published an interesting study in 2011. Researchers at Arizona State University found that anyone who has experienced the death of a parent also shows fear of being abandoned. It is a primary fear, something we cannot get rid of.

But when you learn to deal with it, and when you heal the open wound, everything changes. You will finally be able to leave your emotional prison and live a happier and richer life.

How can you overcome the fear of being abandoned?

If you have had one or more experiences of traumatic bereavement, you begin to believe that you are worthless. This leads to low self-esteem. Not only that, but you are afraid that it will happen again, causing anxiety and difficulty in dealing with relationships. You are in toxic situations where you are too needy. In your obsession with making sure you are loved and validated, you lose your authenticity.

Love based on compulsive need will only lead to suffering. No one deserves to live in this kind of situation. It is therefore important to learn to overcome the fear of being abandoned. Let’s look at some strategies that can help you do just that.

Emotional self-sufficiency to overcome the fear of being abandoned

• Accept the fear of what it is: completely normal. Fear is innate in all people. In your case, it is intensified due to previous experiences. Fear is completely natural, but you can not allow it to take control of your life.
• If you want to overcome the fear of being abandoned, you must be 100% responsible for yourself. No one needs to save you. Your partner is not obligated to be responsible for you or to be the sole source of emotional support. Self-love is the only love that can truly heal. You must love yourself unconditionally.

• You need to change your inner dialogue. Underestimating yourself and believing that no one loves you is absolutely forbidden. Do not think that you will be abandoned again. Do not let yourself think the worst about yourself or your partner. If you’re in the throes of “She did this because she’s not interested anymore…” or “He does not really love me…”, acknowledge it and try to stop. A calm mind is a happier mind. Focus on building trust and you will have stronger and more meaningful relationships.
• Work on your emotional self-sufficiency. This is a slow process that requires you to be observant and identify your needs. You are the only one who can heal your emotional vacuum. It is your responsibility and you can not put it on the shoulders of others.

Healing is a slow process

Finally, we would like to point out again that this process is not simple. Being abandoned leaves a deep and lasting impression. Overcoming it can be a long and difficult journey that you may not be able to complete yourself.

If you feel that the fear of being abandoned gets in the way of having satisfying and stable relationships, do not hesitate to seek professional help. You deserve to be self-sufficient and fearless.