Nothing Is Yours: Life Is Borrowed, So Enjoy It While You Have It

We understand attachment as a very strong bond that determines how our personality develops, how we look at life, and how we relate to everything and everyone around us. But being attached to something has a disadvantage – nothing is yours.

Certain types of affiliation are required. An attachment to a stable figure in our first years of life is necessary for proper cognitive and emotional development. On the other hand , insecure attachment fills  us with anxiety and fear when we are met with the person we are so insecurely attached to. In fact, all relationships maintain some connection, although not all types are healthy.

Some conditions cause anxiety when we talk about losing them. To avoid this  , we must remember that no matter what life gives us, it is just a loan. Being grateful is the first step to maintaining a secure connection with the people around you. The same principle works for work, vacation, and any situation you are in.

Nothing is yours. Life is borrowed

Having relationships where we feel safe is not a gift, but an art that needs will and practice. When only habits hold a relationship together and there is nothing else that gives the relationship meaning, we are faced with an insecure connection.

If we do not learn to pull away, if we do not let go, there will be some very negative consequences. If the relationship is too strong for us and we remain bound, stuck in our dreams, fantasies and illusions, the suffering that follows will grow relentlessly along with our sadness. The Buddha, in one of his famous quotes, pointed out that the origin of suffering is precisely in relationships. 

But not  all conditions are bad, and there are some healthy and useful conditions. A secure relationship is based on knowing how to enjoy what we have at the moment. If we look at what causes us to suffer with a new simplicity, we can understand that it is not the object that causes pain, but how we cling to it.

Our problem with affiliation is that we perceive things as permanent entities. In an attempt to achieve our goals, we use aggression and competition. These are supposedly effective tools, but they cause us to destroy ourselves during the process. To avoid this, it is necessary to understand that nothing is yours. Life lends itself to you.

Dependence on independence

Our cultural context invites us to live life dependent on others: parents, children, couples. Since we were young, we got an idea of ​​romantic love implanted. In this kind of love, the members of the couple can not, and should not, live without each other. This addiction to romantic relationships can be very harmful. It can lead us to be completely emotionally incompetent.

Addiction, like any other construction, is neither good nor bad. To a certain extent, it is always present in our lives. It is something we must all admit to the world and to ourselves. This admission will allow us to recognize and acquire more healthy relationships.

At this point, there is a tendency to view addiction with a degree of contempt, as if addiction were a sign of weakness. But if we stop and think  , almost every aspect of our lives will be the result of the efforts of others. Our precious and magnificent independence can be more like an illusion or fantasy than a concrete fact. To enjoy a satisfying life, we need friends, good health and material goods. Interestingly, these are all areas where we are dependent on others.

Our need for others is paradoxical. At the same time as our culture promotes the strongest independence, we also want intimacy and connection to a special and loved person. The secret then is to love, but not to need. So remember:  nothing is yours. Life lends itself to you. Start enjoying what you have.