How To Stop Saying Yes When You Want To Say No

You probably caught yourself saying yes when you wanted to say no, and you want to stop doing that. What’s wrong with you? Why are you doing that? Could it be that you are not able to express what you really want? Continue reading this article to discover that most of the causes of this type of behavior are related to self-confidence.

Andre Salter (1940) defined the concept of self-confidence as a personality trait. In particular, he said that it is “the expression of personal rights and feelings”. In other words, self-confidence includes the ability to reject something you do not want to give or take.

The following conclusion can be drawn from Salter’s research: Circumstances affect the probability of being confident. This does not deny the fact that some people have a greater tendency to self-confidence. However, anyone can learn to be confident.

Thus, self-confidence includes defending your rights and needs and having the ability to express your wishes sincerely. The ability to be powerful but polite. Simply put , it is the ability to stand up for your rights while remaining sane.

Are you confident only on certain occasions or with certain people? What makes you easy to persuade? In other words, what do you say yes to when you want to say no? Let’s find out.

Stop saying yes when you want to say no

As you can see, the solution to this question has a lot to do with self-confidence. But what prevents you from expressing what you really want in certain situations?

Lack of confidence

Some people find it easier to express their opinions and wishes freely, clearly and sincerely, and have no problem saying no when they feel like it. However, others just do not have this ability or have not developed it enough. Thus, they often say yes when they want to say no.

It can be said that this is the main reason for some of the explanations below. There must be a reason behind their lack of confidence. They can hide fear, insecurity or low self-esteem.

Fear of the opinions of others

People tend to accept things they do not really want when they care about the opinions of others. In a way, they fear being judged for being different and are not comfortable with criticism.

They can change that, especially by working on their self-esteem and improving their ability to be who they really want to be. Insecure people must realize that what others say about them does not matter. This is because nothing a person does will put an end to the judgment of others. Thus, they must realize that self-love is the only true thing they will ever have.

To say yes to belong

Have you ever said yes to something you do not want to do? Maybe you did it because you wanted to belong to a certain group or just to get the approval of others.

Wanting to be liked by others is natural to some degree. Humans are social creatures who need love and acceptance. Thus, people not only seek approval from others when they agree to do something they do not want to do, they also seek acceptance.

The psychologist Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) already talked about this when he tried to define human needs through a pyramid of needs. Maslow talks about two links that apply to the need for affiliation and recognition. People achieve a sense of belonging through, among other things, friendship and affection. In addition, they achieve self-recognition through the trust and recognition of their like-minded people.

If you think about it rationally, you will return to the previous point, and people who truly love you will accept you as you are. Besides, you know full well that it’s practically impossible for everyone to like you (and that does not make you a bad person). Isn’t it enough to like yourself?

Stop saying yes because you do not know how to say no

There are times when you mistakenly think that not knowing how to justify a “no” means you should say yes. It does not work that way. In fact, there are times when you just do not want to do anything, and there is a good enough reason to reject.

Thus, people must learn to trust their gut feeling and say no when they do not want to say yes.

Uncertainty and fear of disappointment

Another possible reason why you can say yes when you want to say no is related to all of the above. It is about a lack of self-worth. You are more likely to be in doubt when you are not aware of what you want or just do not accept yourself as you are. Those who do not know what they want will not even know that they have found it.

In the same way, you will feel guilty for saying no when you are unsure of who you are. You will worry that you have offended someone. Fear of disappointing others is one of the reasons why people often make the mistake of accepting things they do not really want.

A short reflection to stop saying yes when you want to say no

As you can see, there are several reasons why a person agrees to something they do not really want. What is clear is that people are more likely to try to please others when they lack self-confidence or feel vulnerable to criticism.

In this regard, the key is to get to know yourself and find your own way to learn to be more assertive and outspoken.

Self-knowledge leaves little room for doubt. It is a process that will hopefully last a lifetime. Track your own path and open your eyes to learning, and you will see how you gradually stop saying yes when you want to say no.