From Love To Hate: Is There Really Only One Step?
We are often surprised when we see couples who loved each other so passionately, and suddenly they are nothing but a memory for each other. It is as if they go from love to hate in just a moment.
We are not talking about people who are removed from each other, but about the men and women who, after sharing a loving relationship, become enemies of the worst kind. Sometimes this does not happen until many years have passed, where the couple stays together in the same, worn-out connection.
Other times, the change happens suddenly. Yesterday they loved each other, and today they hate each other. It is when it happens that we have to ask: is it true that there is only one step from love to hate?
From love to hate
There is no kind of love that does not contain at least a tiny bit of hatred. We may hate the person a little because they are not always there when we need them, or because they did not appreciate what we did for them the way we wanted them to.
Maybe we also feel a drop of hatred when the other person does not understand us, or when they do not get to say the words we so want to hear.
These tiny bits of hatred usually turn into nothing more than that. They evaporate as fast as they came, and they leave hardly a trace, except perhaps in the most sensitive personalities. They are usually handled in a simple way with all the emotions still intact.
However, there are other situations where the result is not as positive. Sometimes, one of those little episodes of contempt can later turn into a seed that can grow into a whole forest of hatred.
Or it could simply be the straw that simply breaks the camel’s back.
Here’s the thing: love and hate are not completely opposite worlds. The opposite of love is not hatred – the opposite of love is indifference. And just as all love involves one gram of hatred, so all hatred contains a component of love deep within it.
The paradox of love and hate
The step from love to hate usually happens in two ways.
Either so that a person wakes up after a long and latent cycle of enduring something they will not endure. Or someone does something so serious to the other, that that action transforms their loving feelings into a feeling of destruction that cannot be suppressed.
This situation is more common in people who have a low tolerance for frustration, or are very narcissistic. If there are no emotional resources available to maintain the emotional balance in an unfavorable situation, it is likely that they will blame others for the frustration they experience.
That is why we hate the other person, because they have managed to expose our weaknesses, our insecurities and our addictions. Narcissistic personalities are unable to distinguish between an offense and an act of self-assertion from the other person. If the other asks for some space, recognition or autonomy, they will look at it as a sign of aggression.
They believe that their partner should live according to their rules, and that any action to increase the freedom of the other is perceived as a personal threat. This is the reason why they may even end up reacting with violence.
Hatred forms very strong bonds with the other person. In fact, it may result in an even narrower connection than the one love once made. The worst thing is that when it paves the way for a series of violations, the situation eventually becomes a cycle of constant violations in this scarce connection.
Neither one nor the other manages to break out of the connection in a healthy way. Life becomes a game that is about hurting and avoiding getting hurt yourself. They feel that they can not end the situation, because it will be the same as throwing in the towel.
This dramatic cycle is extremely damaging. It is one of those situations where no matter how much you win, you always lose the most. There are no ways to solve it.
The only option is to turn away from that person and give up all hatred, which can otherwise quickly become an unbearable prison that will only leave you with wounds.
Image: Chema Concellon
