Emotional Withdrawal Symptoms: Pain After A Fracture

After a breakup, there are emotional withdrawals. Ending that kind of relationship is not easy. And the mental illness it causes is really devastating to our brains.

In fact, the process is very similar to the abstinences that addicts go through. It is a kind of neurochemical chaos from which it will not be easy to get out.

Just about everyone experiences how it feels. Teenagers learn about the pain of distance, or the disappointment of rejection when they go through their first breakup.

Adults also find out, because our lives suddenly feel meaningless when it happens, when love expires, when someone deceives us. Or even when we just realize that we have to end a relationship without a future, or one that is just too painful.

Letting go when we still love someone hurts. We must get used to their absence, accept that it is over, and rebuild our lives without that person.

This is something most of us are not prepared for. But we do. And it gives us inner strength.

The real problem arises when, instead of starting a new chapter, we fall into an obsessed spiral, a vicious cycle. Need for contact, to beg for attention, to cry for long periods: impossible love.

You may notice that this is a kind of addiction. And for that type of person, emotional abstinence puts them in a state of total vulnerability and extreme suffering.

Emotional abstinence, or the impossibility of saying goodbye

Carlos is 30 years old, and it has been 7 months since his girlfriend left him. He met Paula in high school when they were 16. They went to university together, and later they started a small business together.

The last few years have been difficult, with debt, a failed business, and Paula’s depression from the stalemate. All of this ended up affecting their relationship.

Although Carlos insisted on moving on, she ended up leaving him. She clearly and honestly explained to him why there would be no new chance for them. That was where the relationship ended.

But even with her explanations, Carlos continues to try to get in touch with her. Every day he looks at her social media, and thinks of ways he can meet her.

Carlos is not just obsessed with continuing their relationship. Even today he is unable to work or do anything. His emotional abstinence is so intense, it has made him a shadow of himself. He has become addicted to love, stuck in a cycle of anxiety and depression.

Let us now look at several characteristics associated with this type of individuals.

The 5 characteristics of emotional abstinence

One thing we should be aware of is that in general, when we end a relationship, we are all able to experience emotional abstinence. But this is only part of the pain.

It is a chapter that will motivate us to start using smart, useful confrontation strategies. We must make use of resources to smooth our path and get over the breach in a mature way.

• However, this psychological state of stagnation and constant suffering is common for people with low self-esteem. It is also common for people with high emotional dependence on their partner.
• Second, another characteristic aspect of emotional abstinence is that a person will not be convinced that the relationship is over. They are very clear in denial.
• Anxiety and obsessive behavior are another sign. They can not maintain “zero contact”. They will always find an excuse to call or meet them.
• Also, and no less important, addicted people are unable to deal with emotional pain. They do not have the tools to process it. They feel paralyzed and respond to the suffering by looking for more chances.
• Finally, we can not forget all the complex, intense and exhausting symptoms that clearly affect this person’s health. There is insomnia, loss of appetite, difficulty concentrating, lack of interest in life, depression…

How do we treat emotional abstinence?

Carlos, the heartbroken guy from our example, shows all the mental and behavioral signs of emotional abstinence. In his case, what he especially needs is the help of a professional and the right type of psychotherapy.

No one deserves to live in that kind of defenseless state. No one should stop loving themselves so much that they are stuck in existential meaninglessness and such a devastating state of emotional suffering.

In addition, if we are where Carlos is, or if we are about to collapse, it will be good to reflect on these strategies. They are basic things we should always keep in mind.

• Emotional abstinences, within certain limits of intensity and length, are completely normal. But we must assume that it will pass. It is a state that must pass and pave the way for a more balanced, centered and stable state.

• We must accept our negative feelings. This applies to all of them: sadness, sadness, pain. They are all conditions that should pass sooner or later and move on to acceptance and victory.
• Having “zero” contact is essential in these cases. We can certainly not have our ex-partner on social media or in our contacts. It is the first step to disconnect from your life. This will prevent us from falling into the wrong kind of dynamic.
• Making changes in our lives is rewarding. Something as simple as making new friends or looking for new hobbies will be a great help. In this way we can “free our minds” and break the cycle of our obsession.

As we go through this process, let’s not forget some important aspects. Do not forget your self-esteem, dignity, values ​​and goals. We should never see a break as the end of the world.

Instead, we should see it as the end of a chapter and the necessary beginning of something that will definitely mean good things to us. A new, stronger and even more beautiful version of ourselves.