Emotional Distance: When Relationships Grow Cold

When relationships start to falter, people sometimes tend to behave badly. When faced with an emotional distance, some people disappear without any explanation. Others make excuses or refuse to acknowledge the signs that the relationship is coming to an end.

Conditions, like bones, break sometimes. But most violations do not happen overnight. Usually, the distance between two people grows imperceptibly but steadily until they both finally decide to end the relationship. The first signs tend to be that you no longer have a sense of participation. You do not laugh together, and you avoid looking each other in the eyes.

Emotional distance always hurts. It is even more painful if a person continues to believe in the relationship. This does not mean that the person at the receiving end does not suffer as well. That person tends to feel guilty or remorseful. Whatever the case, one thing is clear: We are not always so good at ending a relationship.

If you manage to finish things off with a good tone, it will make it much easier to move on to a new stage. If things go badly, the opposite will be the case, especially if you have to deal with ghosts (when someone suddenly disappears from your life without any explanation). Nevertheless, we have all the tools we need to deal with such experiences.

Emotional distance: finding out what happened

Relationships falter due to things like disappointment, lack of interest, changing needs, or different worldviews. When the flame subsides, you go into a kind of limbo. You are not sure what your next move should be, what happened, or who is to blame.

Charlene Belu and Brenda H. Lee from the University of Cambridge conducted a study on this topic. They found that few things tend to be as complicated for people as leaving relationships. Their research showed that people often need to know exactly why things went badly in order to continue with their lives.

If there is no clear reason for the breakup, people tend to try to get back together. It makes the whole process more difficult. It complicates the process of starting a new stage with dignity and integrity. The study also showed that people tend to behave badly when they begin to realize that their relationship is over.

Wrong ways to end a relationship

Just as we mentioned at the beginning, the worst possible way to end it with someone is to disappear without leaving a single trace. These days, ghosts are a common practice in both romantic and platonic relationships.

• It’s not you, it’s me: This excuse is so familiar that it’s been a joke. We say this to “release” the other person from any responsibility. We say things like “You deserve better” or “I’m too much in my head and I’ll not give you what you need. People say these things to cover the simple truth: that they are simply no longer interested. As brutal as it sounds (which is why people tend to lie), they just do not love the other person anymore.
• The broken iceberg: The iceberg strategy is also very common with emotional distance. This is when you just let the relationship freeze by itself without taking any action at all. You ignore the signs and wait until the relationship is a solid ice box that sinks on its own.

Emotional distance: A difficult crossroads

When relationships get cold, it does not always mean that the end is inevitable. It is important to keep in mind that even though emotional distance can lead you off the path for a while, it does not necessarily mean that your relationship will end. If you have the right tools to deal with the problem, you can bring warmth and spark back into the relationship.

Psychologists treat anxiety disorders and depression every day. These conditions directly affect the quality of people’s conditions. When someone is going through a period of severe stress or depression, they often do not have the energy or motivation to enjoy the company of others.

If you feel that your relationship is ebbing away or you are feeling emotionally disconnected from your partner, you can do something about it. Every relationship goes through different stages and needs attention. You have to feed it and water it if you want it to grow. Conflict and problems allow relationships to develop and become stronger.

You need to be an emotionally competent person if you want to revive a relationship or end it. Unfortunately, it is not something people are taught at school. This is something you need to practice daily. Train your emotional competence by being sensitive, respectful and treating others with respect.

After all, any relationship, whether romantic or platonic, deserves to be respected. Knowing how to put an end to integrity and respect also speaks volumes about our humanity.