Constant Fear Of Being Abandoned: What Are The Reasons?

Some people suffer from a constant fear of abandonment. This fear makes them anxious because they always fear that the people they care about will leave them. In fact, they notice every little detail. They analyze each word to confirm the fear they feel. They think things like “ He does not want to be with me. I mean nothing to him. He does not love me . ”

When we start a new relationship and fear that our partner will leave us, that may be exactly what happens. This is because the fear is so great that it becomes an unhealthy attachment. This fear leads to controlling, harassing and showing distrust of your partner. This will be extremely detrimental to the relationship and can lead to it ending.

Conditions change over time. Our friends may decide that they do not want to be friends with us anymore. Life and relationships change. Unfortunately, constant fear of forgiveness does not allow us to accept that fact. Fear of abandonment actually makes you think that all changes in the relationship are negative.

The attachment that develops in childhood

To understand the constant fear of abandonment, we must go all the way back to childhood. We can hardly remember anything from the early years of our lives. However, this is the period for a very important process that will define what kind of relationship you want to develop as an adult, namely attachment.

Attachment is an emotional bond that all children develop with their caregivers. They are the people who take care of their needs and make them feel safe. Several studies show that when they develop fear of abandonment in adulthood, it is because the attachment was not developed in a healthy way. Therefore, it is assumed that these people lacked something in childhood. Let us discuss this further.

Factors leading to constant fear of abandonment

• Lack of love. If a child’s caregivers do not hug them, or show other physical signs of affection, they will grow up with a lack of feeling of love. This can also happen if parents do not say good things or give compliments to the children.
• Absent caregivers. Those with fear of abandonment feel that their parents did not give them enough attention while growing up. Maybe they were too focused on their own lives, just were absent or were busy all the time. Whatever the reason, this absence affects children deeply.
• Our parents’ relationship. Our parents’ relationships will help instill the belief that they will not leave us. Infidelity, for example, is very destructive to a child’s sense of security. This will make them believe that everyone is unfaithful and that all their partners will always leave them.

Constant fear of abandonment is very strenuous, but it is a defense mechanism people develop as children. Instead of developing a secure attachment, these people developed an insecure attachment. Because of this, the person will not be able to trust their partner and therefore be very careful. But they will also depend on their partner to satisfy their need for love and affection.

Repeat the same patterns

If you have a constant fear of abandonment, you have most likely been in relationships where your partner has been unfaithful, has been too attached to their parents or has not given you enough attention for various reasons. Unconsciously, you repeat the same patterns of forgiveness you experienced through childhood. The difference is that now it happens in other contexts and with other people.

When we finally realize that our relationship with our parents has an impact on our lives as adults, we can often feel angry with them or blame them. However, we must remember that they did the best they could. Now that you are an adult, you are solely responsible for the decisions you make. Blaming others will not help at all. You just have to be more discriminating with the help you render toward other people.

The best thing you can do to heal the unhealthy type of attachment you learned in childhood is to work on your self-esteem. This will help you stop being dependent on others to meet your needs. Improving your self-esteem will help you trust yourself and others. This way you can develop healthy relationships.

Remember that you can not change what happened to you in childhood. However, you can decide to work on yourself and solve your problems. Take control of your own emotions. The road to healthy relationships is not easy to walk, but once you get there it is definitely worth it.