Artificial Generosity: A Narcissist’s Trap

False generosity is openly present in the world.  Some people are so friendly and attentive because they want something in return. Politicians do it, some of your family members prefer to do it safely and bosses do it with their employees because they know that kindness can increase their performance. With the exception of situations where an employee becomes ill or has a crisis in the family, then the boss’s generosity can quickly disappear.

As you can see, there can be many different hidden interests behind a person’s seemingly empathetic and supportive actions. Be aware of this! In fact  , you may be doing some of this subconsciously yourself. 

Artificial generosity and a narcissistic society

Just think of a parent4 who gives all his attention to his children. This happens even though the children are now older and have moved out and may be desperately trying to get away from the overhanging parents. The parents know that the children can manage on their own, but they give them constant attention to feel better and recognized themselves.

This is so common that you have probably seen it with the parents of a friend or experienced it yourself. Reality can still be much more complicated if you look a little further than your own family . A large part of our society exercises artificial generosity. 

In addition to this, sociologists tell us that the world is becoming increasingly narcissistic. They say that the “me and only me” generation is getting bigger. This can be very demotivating to think about, but it is actually social media that gives us this extreme desire to shout out things like  “hey, here I am! Look at me. Follow me. Like me. Give me positive reinforcement! ”

Think of celebrities who use social media to show how generous they are. They support social causes, they collaborate with voluntary organizations, but most of the time it is only to sell their own brand, ie themselves. They use this artificial generosity to convince us how kind they are.

Bill Gates

Let’s look at Bill Gates and the difference between artificial generosity and true empathy. There was a time when articles were constantly being published that some of the richest and most famous people on the planet were not very charitable. Microsoft made lots of money and did not donate any of it to social causes.

But after Bill and Melinda Gates got married, they created the “Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation” or the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation. Now it gives more money to two issues that belong to social problems, health and education than almost everyone else.

He must have gone into the think tank and found out how important it is to help in such matters and do something good for society when you have the opportunity. This is an example that looks like genuine empathy. Still, of course, it could be his advisors who recommended this to improve Microsoft’s image.

Maybe Bill Gates got to a point where he felt he had to donate money to feel like a good person. The social recognition he could get from giving money would be very satisfying. This is artificial generosity.

The four keys to artificial generosity

Our world needs genuine empathy. Amin Maalouf is a well-known French-Lebanese author and expert on social issues, discrimination and ethical conflicts. He believes that raising children to be empathetic as children will help humanity become more supportive and generous. Unfortunately, today’s dynamics push us more towards chaos and harmful narcissism.

Artificial generosity is at the heart of it all. It’s just another part of a narcissistic personality, so it’s important to be able to recognize it in everyday life. These are some of the swollen characteristics of artificial generosity:

• Artificial or self-absorbed good deeds performed from a position of power. “I am superior to you. Whether you like it or not, my generosity makes you dependent on me. ”
• It is made to look good.
• They give you a sense of  “if it were not for me you would not be able to survive or solve your own problems.” 
• Manipulation, blackmail or emotional traps. 

To conclude it all, we can all be important, unique and wonderful,  but we must not forget that we have a commitment to other people. We must never forget to cooperate. And always remember how important it is to exercise genuine, selfless empathy.