The Role Of Grandparents In A Modern Family

Research conducted in Spain has looked at an interesting phenomenon they call ” slave grandparent syndrome “. This is about the role of grandparents in the family, and how recent changes in the family structure affect the elderly. Some of the changes we have seen include the incorporation of more women into the world of work, as well as an increase in life expectancy.

Due to these aspects, the number of grandparents who have the main responsibility for taking care of their children full time has increased significantly. In part, this will greatly facilitate the balance between work and family life for the parents.

But, where do the boundaries go? You need to know how to respect the boundaries of grandparents. In the same way, it is important to remember that they have already done their part and provided for their families and children.

The moment you retire should be a moment of joy and liberation. This is meant to be a joyous time for rest and enjoyment. So, after a life full of work, this is a celebration to finally have time for leisure and hobbies. But, is this any longer the case?

According to Colubi and Sancho, this syndrome causes a set of psychological and physiological symptoms in the elderly. These occur as a consequence of the role of grandparents in the family changing, as well as other social changes. This set of symptoms has consequences at different levels, but begins at the physiological level.

Satisfaction and the role of grandparents in the family

How important is the role of grandparents in the family? Given the turbulent times we have lived in, and still live in, support from the older generations is fundamental. In particular, they help by alleviating the social impact crises can have on the family. Specifically, they do this by offering support in several ways:

• Financial support : Many grandparents have been “forced” to support both their children and grandchildren. Especially in Spain, due to the economic crisis, there has been an increase in the elderly who have taken on the responsibility for the expenses and needs of their extended family.
• Taking care of the grandchildren : With parents working late evenings and weekends, the grandparents are now responsible for taking care of the grandchildren. They are responsible for getting the children to leisure activities, doctor visits, play appointments and more. Without the support of the grandparents, in many cases it would be impossible to do all these things. Therefore, this has made it easier for parents to have families, without giving up their careers.
• To help with housework : Cooking, cleaning and all other housework. In the past, it was common for families to hire someone to help them with housework. However, the economic crisis made families’ finances vulnerable. This meant that the grandparents had to take care of all these tasks, to provide for their children.

In many cases, everything we mentioned above has led to a family dynamic where the grandparents are overwhelmed. This results in what researchers call ” slave grandparent syndrome “. With this in mind, it is important to learn how to set boundaries so that you do not reach the point that borders on abuse.

Symptoms of the syndrome

On the other hand, this syndrome does not take into account the benefits of this scheme, if done correctly. Taking care of the grandchildren forms stronger bonds between them, in addition to bringing other benefits :

• Grandparents like their role.
• They can spend more time with their grandchildren.
• Often this leads to joy for both parties.
• The grandparents are more active than usual.
• It creates more security for both grandparents and grandchildren.

However, it is not possible to get away from all the disadvantages and negative effects that arise if this scheme is not kept in place by well-marked boundaries. If these limits do not exist, or are exceeded, we are dealing with ” slave grandparent syndrome “. This can, among other things, lead to:

• Exhaustion
• Stress
• They feel compelled to help
• Little social life and little free time
• Poorer health
• Arguing in the family

Boundaries and planning

Remember that grandparents do not have the same energy and capacity they used to have when they were parents themselves. Through old age, several physical limitations can arise. Therefore, it is necessary to set boundaries.

In the same way, you should establish and plan a routine where the grandparents also have time they can spend away from the children, at what they themselves want. Grandparents are their own people with their own values, interests and dreams. Often, these interests will not only have good consequences for the grandparents, but for the grandchildren as well.

You need to consider their ambitions, future plans and preferences. Their opinion, even if it may not fit with your version of reality, will always be supported by their long experience. This is especially true for humanities, where the changes may have been less or more subtle. Regardless, grandparents should not feel obligated to give up their own lives to take care of their grandchildren.

Therefore, a good plan and distribution of tasks is essential. A plan that allows parents to organize their lives by being able to trust that the grandparents will step in when needed, or when the grandparents themselves want it, is very important. At the same time, it is important that grandparents feel free to say no when it does not actually fit. Even if they are grandparents, they themselves have the right to decide what their role is.