2 Ways You Can Be Kind To Yourself

Many of the problems that plague us have the same origin: a lack of self-love. Thanks to the external pressures of the outside world we are exposed to, the demands we place on ourselves, and the feeling of being lost or insecure, we may end up treating ourselves badly. If you want to feel better, you must first be kind to yourself.

The concept of showing compassion for yourself can be traced back to Buddhism. Loving yourself involves copying the tone and generosity you would show to a close friend. Instead of the avalanche of self-criticism that leads us nowhere. If we follow, we can notice that many times we talk to ourselves as if we were our own worst enemy.

According to studies done around this topic, being kind to yourself involves developing three abilities:

• Self-love : This refers to the ability to show understanding and love for yourself. Exercising self-love means, for example, forgiving yourself when you make a mistake instead of carrying around guilt.
• A common understanding of humanity: This element with the strange name is in fact hidden, behind a very basic attitude. It requires understanding that no one is perfect, and that everyone has the right to make mistakes. This helps us to understand that we are not better or worse than anyone else.
• Mindfulness: The ability to live in the present, in the moment, helps us to put our problems into perspective when they arise. In addition, it makes us more stoic, it builds up the patience we show ourselves.

How do I develop the ability to be kind to myself?

Now that you know what self-love means, you may be wondering how you can be kind to yourself. These characteristics are not with us from birth. You can be naturally predisposed to them through a potential genetic favoritism, but nothing more. Therefore, being kind to yourself requires a lot of conscious effort and a healthy dose of hard work.

In this case, researchers have found that one of the best strategies for developing self-love is by asking yourself the right questions. Asking specific questions can change both your views and your behavior. This is important when we interact with others, and fundamentally when we work with ourselves. Below you will find two of the most powerful questions you can ask yourself to show self-love.

1. What do I need to feel good?

This question may seem extremely simple, but most of us do not ask this question very often. In general, we are so worried about what we “should do” that we completely forget our own needs.

One of the distorted ideas that contributes to this is our perception of selfishness as something negative. If someone wants to work on their own happiness, they will immediately be viewed with suspicion. Shouldn’t we sacrifice ourselves for others? According to Aristotle, taking care of oneself is far from selfish, it is necessary.

In order to help others, we must first have something to offer, something to give. Think about it. Who has the most potential to do something good? One who is unhappy because they do not take care of themselves? Or, in contrast, one who feels well and happy because he knows how to be kind to himself?

2. How would I treat someone I love in this situation?

We often make ourselves our own worst enemy. No one judges us as harshly as we judge ourselves, or demands as much of us. This can lead to problems with our self-esteem. It is impossible to achieve a level of perfection from ourselves. Imagine that you have just had an argument with your partner and that they have put all the blame on you. In that situation, we may say things like:

• Why is it always me who does everything wrong?
• How could I be so insensitive?
• I’ll be left again, as always.

The next time you are in this cycle of irrational thoughts, imagine saying these to someone you care about. How would that make them feel? Would you really have helped them at all?

If the answer is no, then why would you treat yourself even worse? You need to learn to be kind to yourself.

To be kind to yourself

Treating yourself with compassion is a difficult ability to develop. While being tough on ourselves can help us make changes, taking that attitude to the extreme leads to a lot of suffering. They are why it is worth learning to be kind to yourself.

What’s the next step? Now that you know about these two questions, make the decision to actually ask yourself these questions the next time you are too hard on yourself. Although it may feel strange at first, little by little you will see that treating yourself with love and compassion feels more natural.