Sometimes We Just Need To Hear: “you Are Doing Well “

You’re doing well. It does not matter what people say or what they think. Do not worry about what people think about the decisions you have made and what you have left behind.

You have your own way of doing things, your own style, passion and charisma. Everything will be allright. Although you may have doubts sometimes, you understand that life is a process. As long as you have full confidence in who you are, you have peace.

Many times we just need (and want) to hear someone say that to us. To need it does not mean that we need others to validate ourselves. Nor does it mean that we doubt ourselves.

But sometimes recognition and positive reinforcement at the right moment is like a wonderful emotional boost. It is like a breath of fresh air for our minds.

Think of children. The phrase “you are doing well” is so important for them to hear. A compliment is more than simple positive reinforcement or pure psychological conditioning.

It is a way to encourage the child to move on and continue to try, increase self-esteem, self-confidence and security. At the same time, did you notice that these words focus on the process, not the results?

As in childhood, adults also need positive reinforcement. Every now and then we have to feel recognized and supported.

For example, parents need it when they do the complex, mundane work of raising their children. We need it when we decide to make a change in our lives. We appreciate it when someone in our social circle tells us that we are making the right decision, a brave decision…

Different types of personal support that we find every day

Most of us have a laid back attitude when it comes to painting a picture about ourselves. They fit perfectly and we feel lighter than ever. The soles are worn from the trip, and from the rocks and mud ponds we have had to skip along the way.

Nevertheless, we have a lot of experiences left to experience, and that is one thing that still affects us in so many ways.

We talk about the support, consideration and closeness we get from our loved ones. Yes, we might say “it does not affect us”.

Maybe we think we have reached a point in our personal growth where the negative things people say to us are like old air in a room without ventilation. We just open the window, let it out, and we can breathe again.

But as much as we want to believe that we are immune, we are not. What our parents or siblings say to us can hurt. We care about comments from our friends and partners.

This is why hearing “you are doing well” can be so powerful. It confirms that the relationship is strong. Let’s take a closer look…

People who help, people who enable and people who hinder

Niall Bolger is a researcher at the Department of Psychology at Columbia University. He specializes in research on personal relationships and their impact on psychological well-being.

In one of his dissertations, he showed that the way people in our closest social circles provide support or help can be divided into three categories:

• . We should be clear that those who “enable” do not support. An “enabler” tells us how to do things according to their desires, beliefs or values. They can be friends, family members or our partners. Rather than trying to understand our perspectives, desires and choices, they will “enable us” to fit into their way of seeing the world.

• . Another type of interaction and bond is the person who claims to have our best interests, but also engages in behaviors that get in our way. This type of person uses expressions like “you’re doing well, but remember that you’ve messed it up before, so it’s likely you’ll do it again” or ‘believe me, I’m just asking you to end it with her because I love and appreciate you… “
• . Dr. Bolger, who led this study, identified a third type of relationship. He also considers it the most important of them all. These are people who can not only say exactly the right thing when we need it most, but also provide “invisible support”. In other words , we do not need to be physically close to the person to know that we can trust their support, interest, and love.

You are doing well because…

We know that verbal and emotional reinforcement from our loved ones is helpful in many situations. It helps us move on, keep going.

However, we must not forget that we must encourage ourselves, validate ourselves, motivate ourselves and support ourselves emotionally as well. Only then can we find the energy we need to meet every day.

It may help to reflect on these sentences and internalize them:

• You do well because you live in harmony with your true self, your values ​​and your needs. It does not matter if you are going through tough times. Because that’s the price you pay for being true to yourself.
• You do well because every day you do something new and enriching. Every day is a small victory.

• You do well because you have put harmful things, people and energy behind you. You left it behind because it did not contribute to balance or joy.
• You do well because living is a daring act. You set in motion, you do not stop. Happiness is a process, and you are on the right path, which is the path you chose.

Let’s put these into practice and focus on these types of positive thoughts. In the end, it costs nothing and you get a lot back.