Immature And Mature Love: From Having To Give
Immature love and mature love. We have all taken (or should take) the emotional journey from one dimension to another. It is a necessary transition that occurs as a result of learning, self-awareness and responsibility. However, this psychological work of art of mature love is not easy. Those who hold fast due to necessity and the trap of smallness abound.
Erich Fromm was the first to talk about these relationship categories. In his famous work On Love , he taught us, among other things, that nothing can be more harmful than to love without knowing how to love or without understanding the pillars of this exceptional feeling.
Due to this lack of knowledge builds many harmful conditions, opens wounds for themselves and others and causes pain that takes time to heal.
Those who show immature love do not understand the cause of their error. Why? To build a healthy, mature and conscious bond with someone requires courage and a sense of personal responsibility. But those who see love as a necessity and as something to fill their emotional void tend to blame the other person because “no one really loves them the way they deserve.”
Let’s take a closer look.
What are the differences?
Although love is a feeling that everyone can experience, in reality it is not a dimension that suits everyone. Why do we say that? Although love is one of the most powerful and beautiful realities you can experience, the wrong kind of love can destroy and annihilate.
We also say that because outdated and crazy ideas continue to flourish today, such as the idea of ​​validating romantic love in the 21st century.
Also, many people gather one failed relationship after another because they still do not understand that in order to love, you must first love yourself. Mature love also requires a lot of humility, courage and knowledge. However, the brain tends to be dominated by attraction, passion and a longing to be with someone.
With that in mind, there is not always time to learn the rules of healthy love. The kind of love that does not hurt, the kind where none of the people becomes either the victim or an emotional bully. Here are some of the main differences between immature and mature love.
Immature love: Devotion that comes from necessity
The main problem with people who are characterized by immature love is that they never feel that they are loved the way they want to be loved. They constantly feel dissatisfied and cheated. Their story is continuously wrong, where they are disappointed because no one can recognize or understand them
- There is a constant thought in their minds: “No one loves me the way I want to be loved.” However, they never stop thinking that maybe “I do not even love myself as I should.”
- Immature love and mature love differ especially in one key area: The first type stems from necessity. They need to be loved and validated by their partner to feel that they have a place in the world. Their self-esteem and self-awareness is based on this external source, and if it is not there, nothing seems right.
- These types of people love the other disproportionately and will do anything for the other. In this form of love, there are no boundaries or guidelines. It is giving everything for nothing, a desperate desire that does not let the other person be himself.
- This emotional blindness causes them to live for the other person. They can be like an obsessed child who can explode in jealousy, get tantrums because they are overwhelmed by the fear of not being loved or of being betrayed at some point.
- It is also important to note that immature love is another name for romantic love. This is where both look for the better half who, almost like a fairy tale character, comes to save the other from all trouble. The concept of a soulmate. This is an attitude that will lead to serious mistakes, defeat and grief.
Mature love: The desire for self-realization
The journey between immature and mature love is personal. It is a path that everyone must take to become competent in the field of love. It means going from scarcity to abundance. From feeling deprived to feeling satisfied. Why? Because the mature lover does not have to find a partner to feel happy, they feel complete on their own.
This type of person also does not seek or long to receive something from another. This is because everything that immature love expects, the mature person already has and delivers to himself, such as recognition, security, self-esteem, etc.
Therefore, when these types of people establish a loving relationship, they do so out of desire and never out of necessity. Their goal is to find a partner they can share a journey with. Both are free and fulfilled people who choose each other to build a relationship based on happiness and cooperation.
Immature and mature love: How to go from one to the other
No one automatically goes from one to the other as they get older. Emotional maturity does not come with age or suffering. In addition, some go from disappointment to disappointment without realizing that their problems stem from immature love.
How can you develop good foundations for mature, conscious, and fulfilling love? Here are some important areas to reflect on.
- Work on the qualities you expect from your ideal partner. If you want a loving partner, be loving yourself. If you are looking for someone fun, intelligent, caring and confident, you can become that person yourself. Stop needing and transforming yourself into what you want others to give you.
- Be the person you want by your side.
- Build your self-esteem. As Erich Fromm said, immature love tells itself that “I love because they love me.” However, mature love understands that “They love me because I know how to love, they love me because I love myself.”
Self-love, self-esteem and letting go of the fear of being alone are the keys that form the basis for building healthy relationships. The kind of loving bond that lasts and that makes love a journey of growth and discovery. The kind of love that puts fear, need and emptiness aside to create a refuge where pain does not exist.
