Saying Sorry: Basics For Any Family

Children learn to apologize by watching their parents apologize. However, not all families are good at asking their own children for forgiveness when the situation demands it. We often forget that this is the type of foundation that builds the strongest, happiest and most respectful bonds.

One thing that many family units do not think about enough is the style of communication. Often we are not aware of the large number of codes, invisible commands and psychic marks we project on our loved ones with what we do, say or even “do not say”.

Do the ways we interact sow the seeds of harmony or do they actually sow the seeds of misfortune in our most intimate group relationships? This is a question that is definitely worth reflecting on. It does not matter what your family dynamics are, we all make mistakes and “need” to ask for forgiveness. And to be able to pick out the moments where “you apologize”, you will also need emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is a healthy, inspiring tool that is also extremely important for raising and educating your children. It’s a great way to give children a value system, where they have a more intimate view of people, where they accept that we all make mistakes. But it also means knowing how to ask for forgiveness to help correct your mistakes, to maintain all your bonds…

Saying sorry is a fundamental part of our coexistence

We all make mistakes. There is not a single person who comes to this earth with a material that makes them immune to mistakes, clutter or misunderstandings. So when it comes to raising and educating children, no one can avoid mistakes, inappropriate practices, wrong focus, neglect, etc. And the key to all of this is not about making more or less mistakes than your children. The key is how to deal with these situations after they arise.

Discovering the mistake and acknowledging your responsibility by saying “sorry” to your child is their own type of upbringing. But our adult “culture” does not always approve of it or make it easy. It is as if parents themselves are afraid to break that myth of infallibility in the eyes of their children. But the thing is, if we spend all our time trying to get our kids to learn to apologize, how do we do it ourselves ? It is then (someone thinks) you risk losing your authority, by discrediting yourself…

This is what many parents believe. Fathers do this when they make big promises to their children that they end up not fulfilling. Mothers do it when they end up yelling at their child for something stupid. Because at that moment they are not able to treat the anxiety from work and leave it at the threshold before they enter.

Saying sorry is a fundamental part of coexistence. It is the right path to take when a problem arises and you are responsible for it as the adult. And there are not many actions that encapsulate this expression, because it is so full of empathy and a recognition of the rules of coexistence. Ultimately, no matter how big or small, the rules we all have to follow are for everyone’s best.

Learn to be a family

Many of us go through our days saying “sorry” for the smallest things. We do it when we walk into someone, when we forget to give our seat to people on the bus, when we forget to bring that book to our classmate or colleague… If it is important to practice the art of saying sorry when it comes to them smallest thing, it is absolutely essential to do so with those closest to us, those we love the most.

Also, because you do not see them every day, or just because of who they are (partners, children, parents, siblings, etc.), we assume that they will forgive us. This is because love, affection and care are things we have to work on. Learning to apologize is what makes a family. It creates a space where you can raise happy children with the right values. And now we look at some of the key benefits.

Ask the children for forgiveness: a step forward with great benefits

• Saying sorry to your children will help you focus more in your daily life. If you can get through your daily whirlwind and be aware of your own fallibility with them, it will help you become more present in the moment, more in tune with your child’s needs.

• It is also a good idea to understand one thing: asking a child for forgiveness is not a weakness. It is the opposite, it is to show maturity and responsibility.
• Also, acknowledging the mistake you made with your children prevents the situation from becoming more complicated. And otherwise, they may end up trusting you little by little.
• In all contexts where the adults can apologize and ask for forgiveness from their children, there are wonderful lessons to be learned on both sides. We are not infallible just because we are older, and making mistakes is part of our DNA. It’s also a great way to improve as a person.

To sum up, one thing every family needs to understand – if they want happiness and harmony – is that knowing how to say sorry is  a psychological skill that is good for everyone. So start doing it without fear, without looking back . And if you do, you get an invaluable new opportunity, the opportunity to know yourself better.